LTT: Kazoozles from The Willy Wonka Candy Company

I’ve never really had a sweet tooth. As a child, I was brought up thinking cut up fruit with some chile powder sprinkled on top was a “treat”. Needless to say, my culture’s “Pico De Gallo“s trumped most candy that tried to be my mouth’s new mistress. That is, until about a few weeks ago…

We were in a Love’s Gas Station when I happened upon a whale of a deal: two new candies from Wonka for a buck. Now, as far as candy goes, Wonka’s got a good track record. These are the people who brought us Nerds. These are the fine folks that had us jacked up on Pixy Stix as children. Laffy Taffy? C’mon people. Aside from a good reputation, I ultimately decided to purchase them because I’m an American Hero. How so? Well, the economy is all kinds of messed up at the moment. I had two choices that night: I could be a hero and stimulate the economy with my hard-earned dollar, or I could walk out and not have bought anything.

I’m no terrorist. America, you can thank me later…

The texture of the confectionery creation is the first thing that took me by surprise. It’s a lot softer than most licorice. I imagine the protective outer licorice casing to be the lovechild of a Red Vine and a Gummy Bear. Like I said… weird texture. The interior of the candy limbo’ed from being an Airhead (which I hear are “outta control”) to almost a paste. It’s a bit tart. It’s very sweet. It’s an explosion of flavor, that’s for sure. I really can’t compare it to anything else on the market as I can’t remember the last time I was this pleased with a candy.

I’ve stocked up on the delightful concoctions just to give them to people. Almost as if I were running for office or something. Everyone that’s had one agrees: this is the best thing to happen to them since the day of my birth. All kidding aside, big kudos to the Wonka team for making such an amazing candy. I’m confident that this’ll be a big hit as more people pick them up.

I don’t even need WonkaVision to know that! Bam!